Horse Show Moms
A mom's work is never done. Carley Sparks tells the tale of three
horse show moms whose lives are ruled by their family's love of horses.
By: Carely Sparks
Horse show moms
are a special breed of parent. Chauffer, cook and banker to their
child, they are rewarded for self-sacrifice with the burden of an
additional financially demanding and dependent creature, the horse.
In the spirit of Mother’s Day, this is a tribute to the wonderful
and supportive women, (including my mom), who in the name of parental
affection, got roped into the world of horses and never looked back.
Green Horse Mom:
Marylane Vanden Dool
Marylane Vanden Dool never dreamed she would be a horse mom, let alone
a stable employee. But shortly after her young daughter, Emmy, spent
a summer at horse camp Marylane became mother to a pony and surprisingly
deft with a pitchfork.
Emmy’s story
is one of chance circumstance, unlikely sponsorship and motherly devotion.
When the barn where Emmy was taking school-horse lessons shut down
mother and daughter were forced to look for a new venue to pursue
Emmy’s riding career. Their first stop: Mill Creek Stables –
a barn down the road from their Cambridge home.
Emmy and Marylane
quickly became permanent fixtures at Mill Creek triggering a series
of improbable events. Emmy’s dreams of horse ownership were unexpectantly
realized when Paula and Rick Taylor, of London, Ontario, generously
offered the little girl a free and indefinite lease on their small
pony, Bobbi Sox. Not one to look a “gift-horse” in the mouth
but unable to afford the costly expense of the facility, Marylane
was determined to give her daughter the chance she deserved. Despite
her inexperience with horses and a commitment to another job, she
offered her services to Mill Creek in lieu of board for the pony.
Working two to
three days a week at the stable, Marylane has rapidly graduated from
general barn maintenance to being actively involved with the care
of the horses. “I did it for Emmy, but I’ve learned a lot
and I really enjoy it,” she said. Being around horses has alleviated
many of Marylane’s fears about her daughter’s safety, and
even has her considering saddling-up herself.
Horsin’ around
has allowed this mother – daughter team to develop their skills
together. Emmy is honing her riding talent, and Marylane continues
her studies at home reading about horses. She confesses that she often
has horses on the brain when not at the barn and may be as horse -
crazy as her daughter before long.
At age 11, Emmy
shows dedication and promise. She is eager to cultivate her horsemanship
skills (though she doesn’t like to clean her tack!) and dreams
of competing like her mentor Amy Millar. Marylane shares her daughter’s
aspirations and will continue to do everything in her power to help
Emmy achieve her goals. “I do hope that Emmy’s dream comes
true and that she goes to the Olympics one day.”
High Jump: “The
day Emmy jumped 3’ for the first time …that was a thrill!
Emmy was a little scared but it was exciting for her. That was a day
to remember.”
Professional Show
Mom: Marsie Vince
Marsie Vince fondly remembers childhood summers spent galloping bareback
across the Prairies on rented ponies. However, in her family, the
love of horses skipped a generation from her father to her three daughters,
Ainsley, Courtney and Sydney. Mother, unlike daughters, has no desire
to ride. “I know a lot of cheaper ways to humiliate myself,”
she said.
Boredom and necessity
have motivated Marsie’s horsemanship education. Not one to sit
by during the long hours spent at the barn, she began her “on
the job training”. However, it was an incident at a horse show
that determined her groom vocation. Moments away from competition
and torn between an unbraided pony and hysterical children, Marsie
resolved never to rely on anyone and improvised with makeshift braids
“If time were credentials I’d have a PhD,” she said.
In essence, Marsie is a professional show mom (though she claims she
is a professional nag).
Extensive hours
spent at and traveling to horse shows has made the Vince ladies very
close. Having a “captive” audience in the car gave Marsie
hours of lecturing time, although she admits the girls would feign
sleep to avoid it.
And then there
are those unforgettable childhood moments: Ainsley riding out of the
pony ring and earnestly remarking, ‘Constant failure really takes
the heart out of you.’, or Sydney’s cheeky confession, ‘I
always hug you at horse shows, mom …but you don’t notice
I’m taking money out of your back pocket!’”
Raising three
girls in the privileged and competitive world of show jumping was
not all horseplay. Juggling hectic schedules and the inevitable disappointments
of competition demanded as much commitment from mother as it did daughters.
Faced with a constant balancing act between happiness for one daughter’s
success and empathy for another’s disappointment, Marsie said,
“It is my lifelong dream that they would all be good on a day
or all be bad. It has never happened”.
At times, Marsie
wishes her children had a more normal childhood experience. She tried
to impart on her girls that there is a bigger picture than the horse
show. “Truly, if I could sit back and have guided them a different
direction – something less intense and all-consuming - I think
I would have,” she revealed. “But it was their choice and
they probably would have gotten into much more trouble.”
As her children
have grown, Marsie’s role has evolved from practical to emotional
support. “I’m not the chauffer, I’m not the cook, I’m
not the groom, now I’m just the kicking bag,” she joked.
However, with a degree in Physical Education from McMaster University,
Marsie is educated in sports psychology and sports injury and may
be just entering her area of expertise.
Marsie’s
fears have similarly evolved. She said, “I worry for them, not
that they will get hurt physically but that they’ve put so much
time, mental – and physical preparation in, that if they go in
and it’s a total disaster, they are so crushed. In some ways,
it takes longer to make that up than a bruise.”
A long way from
those summers in Saskatchewan playing Cowboy and Indians, Marsie’s
commitment to her daughters and their horses appears to have paid
off. With Ainsley (Horse Sport’s April cover model) being named
to the Canadian Equestrian Team and winning the 2001 Canadian Championship
tile, Courtney competing in World Cup Qualifiers and Sydney, in the
High Junior/Amateurs, the Vince’s have met with great success
and have maintained a close family relationship along the way.
Horse Sense: “After
many years of braiding I noticed that every horse smells different.
I think some how that you have to know them that well, that you have
to know their smell, before you know if you really like it because
if you don’t notice that they all smell different then you haven’t
done enough.”
Professional Horsewoman
and Mom: Lynn Millar
Even big names have small beginnings. Lynn Millar, one of the most
well-known and well-respected horsewomen in Canada, began her riding
career at the Ottawa Valley Pony Club. This petite woman has known
large success, both in the ring and out (is there such thing as an
unsuccessful Millar?).
Lynn was a thriving
hunter rider until life – marriage, children and the family business
– became too demanding. Though her riding has taken the back
seat, her passion for the sport never stopped driving on. A love that
runs deep in the Millar clan. “We loved it so much, and maybe
that is why our children, Jonathon and Amy, are so involved.”
Lynn is a consummate
professional and a regular workhorse. Up until April of 2001, when
she hired Jimmy as her replacement, Lynn did everything from overseeing
the care and training program of each horse and client to painting
the jumps and cutting the grass.
The protected
environment of the horse show scene proved to be the best and the
most problematic part of parenting for Lynn. “When they were
little, if they wandered off, well, everyone at the horse show would
know whose child it was,” she recalled. However, raising Jonathon
and Amy in a setting where everyone is a family friend, it was difficult
to impart on them the disparity between the horse community and the
world at large. “It’s a huge problem because it’s much
easier to get hurt when you don’t understand that the world is
different than the environment you grew up in.”
Despite the Millar’s
unparalleled success, Lynn is constantly balancing unavoidable disappointment
with short-lived glory. She explained, “If you win on a Sunday
you have two days before you go to the next horse show and it all
starts again. You don’t get time to bask in the glory. And considering
a really top grand prix horse wins maybe two, three maximum, grand
prix a year …man oh man, it’s a lot of down time.”
With so many unpredictable
factors – the horse, the footing, the weather - Lynn is acutely
aware of the dangers involved in the sport, and always fears for the
safety of her children (and husband for that matter). “I think
anybody who shows should realize that it is for sure a dangerous sport.
There is no getting away from that,” she observed.
Although Jonathon
and Amy’s careers have taken them away from the family farm,
Lynn is actively involved in the care of their horses and credits
the sport for the close relationship the family has maintained. “Even
now, at 25 and 27, we talk on the phone every couple of nights.”
In victory and defeat, in glory and tragedy, the Millar’s show
remarkable family solidarity. Lynn explained that in hard times, “Amy,
Jonathon, and Ian will be as sad for one another as they will be for
themselves”
This past winter,
Lynn stepped back from her duties at Miller Brooke Farm, but by no
means has she slowed down. In addition to Yoga and joining the local
gym, she has been “getting fairly insane about this computer
thing”. After committing a career and marriage to horses, it
is not surprising that Lynn’s new found free time should be absorbed
by the sport as well. “Now that I have more time, I would like
to see if I could help to promote the sport because its just a really
good sport. It has done a whole lot for our family and it needs people
to believe in it the way we do. My whole heart is in it,” she
said.
Jumping for Joy:
“Oh my god, last year at Ocala–the $100, 000 Grand Prix:
Jonathon won, Ian was second and Amy was third–they were the
only three in the jump-off. The family was so close–there they
were helping each other for the jump-off and competing against each
other. It was unbelievably exciting!”
Reprinted with
permission of HorseSport
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